If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
