Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
