I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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