I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
