Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
