Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
