Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
