i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
