There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
