Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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