were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
