Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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