We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
