Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
