you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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