No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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