i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
