She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i believe in u and ur pee
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