The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
