So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
