margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
