My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
