Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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