this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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