I just threw up on my dentist
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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