If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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