Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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