i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
