I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
