glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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