Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
