I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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