i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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