Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
