Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
