people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
