he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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