Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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