My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
