Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
