her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
