i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
