shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
