Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
