he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
