You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
