Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
