What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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