thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
