im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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