I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
