Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
