Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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