Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
