It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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