I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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