haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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