She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
