I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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