Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
