Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
