Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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