I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
