Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do herpes really smell.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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