turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
