No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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