Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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